Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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