Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
