dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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