Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
