found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
