96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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