Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
