Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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