Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
