I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
