i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So squirting runs in the family.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
