Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
