do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
