when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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