you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
