I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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