At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
