i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
