with your own penis?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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