I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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