3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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