how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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