You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
