I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
