but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
