I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
