I cockslap morals
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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