She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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