you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
