I wanna passion pit in your ass
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
