Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
