I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
