dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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