she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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