apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Pants are for mortals
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
