i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
