Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
