My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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