I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
