Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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