Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
