He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
