my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
