Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
