Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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