I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Damn victory sex feels great
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