maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I forget how to act sober
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
