How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
handjob tips. give me some.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
