I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
3 2 1 whiskey
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
