And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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